20th Year Anniversary

It dawned on me today that I have been ordained for 20 years today, in the PCUSA. Although this is a Thursday and I was ordained on a Sunday afternoon. But it makes me stop and think about the last 20 years, and to realize not only everywhere I have been, but spiritually how I have changed in that time, as I have grown in understanding of the One who called me, and of myself; who I am called to be.

20 years of ministry have been hard. But they have also given me experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything. I have had many moments of what I would call "Holy Ground." Those are moments that are beyond our ability to control circumstances; when God has moved within me and within the hearts of those I was called to serve, and we come away feeling we had a deeper understanding of who we are to be, or how we are to respond to situations in life, and of who God is.

I would say that as I have grown older, and hopefully wiser, I have felt a greater sense of compassion within, and a greater comfort level with mystery. For as many questions that I have had answered, I have developed 10 more questions, and it doesn't mean that I feel less assured, or secure in faith. It means that I can entrust myself to God, and don't necessarily need to have all the answers. God has been released from the box and is bigger than ever, and yet still tangible and ever present. What is the saying? "I may not know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future." It is wonderful to be able to let go and be.

What I do know is spiritual care, pastoral care, is my PASSION. I love it, I am called to it, and I have an energy to learn more, to explore more, to show compassion more, to help accompany others on their spiritual journeys, as it deals with life and death. Hospice has been a rich place for me; that paradoxical place of dealing with death and dying and grief, but learning and appreciating the preciousness of life. I will never say never about returning to parish ministry, but for now, I am where I am supposed to be.

So today, I am grateful for the spiritual mentors that have accompanied me along the way, who have contributed to the pastor that I am today, who have taught me a tremendous amount and loved me even through my major blunders! I am grateful to my family who have supported me not just with words but with their actions. I am grateful for the gifts that I have received along the way, in the most unexpected places, and often through the painful experiences of life. And I am grateful for the fact that the process of becoming is still happening, and hopefully will never die.

I am grateful for Jesus Christ, who has given me life and hope and modeled for me a life of love, mercy and compassion.

Susan