When Hope is Lost

I lost a friend this week. A beautiful young woman, 30 years old, who took her own life. When I first heard the news, I was shocked. I still am. She was intelligent, compassionate, a giving person, with a great sense of humor, very accomplished. . . and unfortunately, clinically depressed to the point that she couldn't go on. It breaks my heart. Not just for me, but more so for her mother, grandmother, husband, and all of the hundreds of friends and colleagues who came to celebrate her life today.

We celebrated her life, her accomplishments, her soul, her uniqueness. . . all that made her who she was. It was great to celebrate her, especially in light of the fact that we cannot make sense of her death. It doesn't make sense. And I struggle with the realization that she had lost hope, that she couldn't see around the corner to a brighter day, that maybe, at the moment, she couldn't see all the wonderful things about herself that those of us who celebrated her today could see so readily.

There are those who would condemn her for taking her own life. It used to be that religious leaders condemned suicide victims to hell, because only God can give or take away life. I can gladly say that most faiths have come to a deeper understanding and more compassionate stance, realizing that someone who goes to the drastic place of suicide, most likely has a chemical imbalance in the brain. The sense of eternal condemnation has been replaced by a more compassionate stance, especially for the survivors who don't need the added sense of pain, regret, guilt, etc. on top of their grief for their loved one.

It is my belief that God knows our hearts more than we know ourselves, and that God meets us at our place of deepest need. I have no doubt at all, that my friend is out of her pain. She is no longer living in the place of hell of her depression, and she now knows peace.

Her favorite quote was on her bulletin cover below her picture. It said, " Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the the universe is unfolding as it should." (Max Ehrmann)

Is it today? It is difficult for me to say that the universe is unfolding as it should in circumstances such as this. Hasn't the universe somehow been robbed or depleted by this sad loss?

But I pray for my friend to rest in deepest peace, and I know that I will always remember the mark she left on my life and on the life of many others. And of course I pray for comfort and peace to be with her family in this most tragic of loss. For me, tonight I will hug my son a little harder, and remember to speak words of encouragement and hope to those in my life and sphere of influence. And my hope is still alive, in the knowledge that I will see her again. Rest in peace, my friend, rest in peace.