The Cross and Dolphins

There are times when something as basic as a cross, a symbol of faith, can symbolize something so much larger, than the piece of jewelry that it is. Of course, the cross represents the belief of Jesus Christ dying on the cross for our sins, for redemption, for forgiveness, and for reconciliation.

One day recently, as I was preparing for work as a Spiritual Counselor with hospice, I put on my favorite cross. It is in the shape of a plus sign; a Jerusalem Cross. It is solid Sterling silver, with a rounded piece in the middle, like a globe. I am not exactly sure what the designer intended, but for me, it has represented, the redemption of the world, and also represents God as Creator of that world. On each of the points on this cross are dolphins jumping. I love dolphins. They are graceful, playful, loyal, and fiercely protective.

As I walked into my patient's room, I was aware that this particular case touched so many things in me. He was a 36 year old young man, dying of Melanoma. He had first been diagnosed about 5 years ago, had the melanoma removed and was told the cancer was gone, until a little over a year ago, when he discovered a mass in the abdomen. He fought this round of cancer for over a year, and died on Mother's Day, and his 37th birthday. Having lost my brother before his time, I knew that sometimes life isn't fair. I set out to address whatever spiritual concerns he might have, assuming that he might be angry at God, have questions about life after death, maybe have some issues to resolve with the people in his life. He did have questions about life after death, and he had been angry at God at one point, but had moved beyond that. With limited time and energy left, he had decided that being angry was using too much energy that was pointless. We discussed some of his thoughts about life after death, and my thoughts, as well as experience, both personal, and with other hospice patients.

In the course of our discussion, Jeff's eyes were drawn to the cross around my neck, saying it was "striking." As I said 'thank you' I pointed out the dolphins on the points, to which, Jeff said, "Oh, I love dolphins!" It wasn't until Jeff fell asleep and I left his room to go talk to his parents, that I realized that this family had pictures of dolphins all over the house. In Jeff's room, in their office and a plaque in their dining room with Jeff's mom's name on it. I suddenly had this realization come over me that moved me to give the cross to Jeff. I excused myself for a moment, and went back to his room, took the cross off and placed it around his neck. He protested, saying I didn't have to do that. I said, "I know. I want to." Each of the 3 times I saw him after that, he was holding the cross in his hand. I would have loved to have crawled into his heart and mind and listened in on that conversation.

Other touch-points for me with this family was in helping this family to come to grips with their loss. I have been the sibling losing my only sibling. I have watched my parents lose their only son; something that is so out of order. No parent is prepared to bury their child. Some of the conversations that they were forced to have, were topics his mother couldn't even bear to ask: whether he wanted to be buried or cremated. Whether he would be willing to donate his body to science. These topics were all to real, and a reality she couldn't come to grips with yet. It was a conversation that I had for her, not only because it was easier for me, but as a gift to her to know his wishes so she would be relieved from any guilt or sense of wondering whether she had made the right decision. Jeff, gladly donated his body to science, to help someone else, and relieve his parents of the cost of cremation.

The day after his death, I went to see the family to give them support. His mother handed me the cross back. I took it and put it around her neck. This symbol of faith, of a death of a son who died before his time, while his mother watched him suffer, was no longer mine. It was hers. I am sure it will be a bitter sweet piece of silver that she will wear. But it will be with her as she too struggles with her own faith, her anger at God, and hopefully will come to a place of peace, even the peace that passes all understanding. The cross does represent forgiveness, grace, redemption, and reconciliation. I do hope for his family, that they too will be able to grieve, and receive healing in time, to move beyond the pain or anger to a place of creativity, and the positive energy that Jeff sought as well.