Honoring

One of the tasks that a hospice family member has is honoring the wishes of their loved one. When that wish is accomplished, it brings great compassion to the family members. If they are unable to accomplish it, sometimes by no fault of their own, it can cause guilt, and complicated grief for that family member.

Recently, in working with one of my hospice families, there were tremendous issues within the family that were longstanding. The patients' daughter had many issues, most of which were not going to be resolved, but there was one that could be. It was her father's desire to be cremated and have his ashes distributed in the ocean off the coast of Redondo Beach, because that was his favorite place to fish. When the patient died, and the daughter looked into the cost of a burial at sea, she discovered it was beyond her ability to afford. But through some personal connections,we were able to arrange a boat, to accomplish the honoring of her dad's ashes. a service was done, the ashes were distributed, and the daughter had the sense that she had honored her father, and set him free. Now she can let go, and move on. She will grieve. She will have other issues that she will need to resolve, but honoring her dad's wishes in his last resting place was something that she needed to do for her own closure.

Honoring is what loved ones can do as an expression of love and respect for the one they love, often in circumstances where many things are outside of their control. It isn't necessarily a big thing, but something small that their loved one has requested. It could be as simple as sitting alongside the person holding their hand as they die. It can be a certain kind of music played, or passing on a message to someone else after they are gone. But no matter how small the request is, it is a major issue for the loved one left behind with that one request. Spiritually speaking, it is a very important issue, and one that makes a difference in how the person is able to move ahead and heal from the hurt of grief.

I rejoiced for this daughter that she was able to accomplish this last request for her dad. I hope that it will at least ease the pain of her grief.