Sandwich

I am in the sandwich generation. I am a daughter caring for elderly parents, and a mom raising a teenage son. There are times when that role is difficult, and many moments when it is a joy. But there are many moments when I am brought to tears as I watch my mom especially declining with Parkinsons and Dementia.

Recently, my mom has had a pretty rapid decline. Her body has uncontrollable tremors, that makes it difficult for her to hold an item in her hand and set it down, to walk, or to rearrange herself on the couch. She finds it difficult to get up from the couch as well, or out from the shower. She fell a couple of nights ago because her tremors hit her so hard as she was trying to sit down and she missed the chair. She scraped her elbow on the corner of the table. It could have been so much worse, but it was horrible enough. Later that evening, we were at the dinner table, and mom looked at me and said, "I am so sorry for how I am ruining your life." My heart sunk to my toes, and I told her, "You mean that I get to care for you, someone I love? That is not ruining my life." She was still trying to apologize, and I understand that within each of us is that fear that we are going to be a burden to those that we love. Her words stuck with me through the night. The next morning, I looked her in the eye, and said, "I want you to put that thought out of your heart and mind that you are ruining my life. I love you, and you cared for me throughout my life. It is now my turn to care for you. And even when it is not easy, it is my honor and privilege to care for you." She told me she loved me.

As a sandwich, we all have those periods where we are torn in two directions, and no matter which one we decide is the most important at the moment, there is an accompanying sense that we are missing out on or disappointing someone else. Because of mom's condition at the moment, I didn't feel comfortable going out of town in case my dad needed me to help with mom. But because of that decision, I missed my son's marching band competition. No matter which obligation I feel is the most important for the time, I am missing something else that can never be repeated.

As a sandwich, there are times when I would rather go read a book, or go dancing or a movie. There are times I need to remember that I need to do nurturing things for myself, and have some me time. Those moments are few and far between at the moment. There are times when the bologna in the middle is pressed in from both sides.

But at this point, I know that there will come a time when my parents will be gone, my son will be on his own, and I will be grieving their absence. It is in that moment of realization I dig deeper in my spirit for the strength, to make each moment what it is meant to be, and to make the most of the time we have. So, I am grateful for sandwiches. I am grateful for the slices of bread on either side that bless me each day.