Sandwich

I am of the sandwich generation. I am both the caregiver of my elderly and dearly beloved parents, and a single mother of an amazing young man. And although, in most cases, both of these responsibilities fall into the "great joy" category and works very well in a nice rhythm of give and take, there are times when they collide, and where no matter what I do, I feel as if I am disappointing someone, or maybe myself, because I cannot clone myself and be two or three places at once.

This last couple of weeks has proven to be immensely challenging. My mom is at home with Dementia, and should not be left home alone. My dad had a health concern that took him to the ER, then admission to the hospital, for a condition that could have easily taken him from us. At the same time as this, my son, in his senior year of high school, had a competition for his drumline. I have been at almost every competition he has had for the last 6 years. Dad was at a place where he was ok, and I knew well taken care of in the hospital. Taking mom to the competition was out of the question, so I had to negotiate a caregiver for her, or miss the competition. Thank God, (literally), I have a supportive family and a supportive Church family, with people to call upon for assistance. In this case, family came forward, and offered to stay with my mom so I could be with my son, with my dad's blessing. My parents' church couples group also came forward and brought meals over to ease the burden of having to make meals as well. They have offered to come stay so I can get out as well.

I am a person who has always been a giver. I am a Pastor serving as a Full time Hospice Spiritual Counselor. I have been a pastor for 24 years, and the last 8 have been as Hospice Spiritual Counselor. Givers usually have a tough time being on the receiving end. We usually find it difficult to ask for help, preferring to "suffer in silence." For me, personally, it's hard to even define what I need, when someone asks what they can do. I don't know!! Stop the stressful situation? So often, it seems that the thing that would alleviate the stress are outside of our control to resolve. I am one, especially in my position within Hospice, educating the family members of the hospice patient to make sure to take care of themselves, to take time out, to get good rest, etc. It is often easier said, than done. I have to remind myself to take heed to the same advice.

So, I am on Family Medical leave, to ease some of the responsibility from work so I can take care of family. During that time we have hired someone to care for mom, who also helps with house work. Bless her. I am going to get a massage, and do some more writing, and napping, but also work on some needed projects that will ease some burdens as I return back to work.

Do I wish there was some opportunity for "Calgon take me away??" Oh yeahhhhh! Do I have that not so fleeting thought about winning the BIG Lottery so I could retire and live a life of leisure?? Oh Yeahhhhhhh! But most of all, I need to treat myself with the same compassion and gentleness that I do my hospice families. Self care is important. So I can be the best sandwich I can possibly be.