A Half Piece of Bacon

I am one of those truly blessed people who have parents who model an amazingly loving relationship. These two gentle spirited people met when they were 13, in the 7th grade. They went to the same parties, and had true feelings for each other. Some would have called it puppy love, but it is real to puppies. During the summer before 9th grade, dad's family moved to West LA, and mom came home crying that she would never see him again. Time went on, they both entered High School, were involved with year book, service organizations, music and sports at High School. WWII was on, dad went into the navy, and came home. He entered LA City College. He had remained friends with one of the guys in Jr High, who invited him to come in and double date for a night at the Paladium. Dad's friend was dating mom, casually. She got a friend of hers for dad. They met eyes, traded partners for one dance, and were back together again, forever this time. They went on to finish education, re-call to navy, beginning their family. . .

Now, married almost 62 years, very happily, they exemplify a love that is always mindful of the other, deferring to one another, in a very natural sort of way. It isn't in such a way that one always gives in. It is in the way that out of love for the other, they give. It is their joy to do so.

They have experienced difficulty, as most couples do in that long of marriage. The difficulties were financial, just in the way that they were middle class and so making the dollars stretch was often a challenge. They took care of their parents, had family difficulties with extended family, and worst of all, lost their son 10 years ago. But, where some couples turn on each other in difficulty, blaming the other, or becoming resentful, mom and dad never did. They continued deferring to the other, gladly sacrificing for the other or for the greater good.

Now, for the last 5 years, mom has had dementia. She no longer does any of the household chores, and sleeps a lot of the day. She has to be reminded to take her shower, she wouldn't remember taking her pills, so dad does it for her. She has gone through periods that have been difficult, in multiple hospitalizations, falls in the middle of the night, etc. Through it all, dad, at 84, continues to take care of of mom, even when it is beyond his ability to do. He tries to pick her up from the floor to get her back to bed. He will only ask for help if he's tried and cannot do it.

And this morning, on this Thanksgiving weekend, he made Waffles for the family while I made the bacon. We decided to go ahead and finish up the package of bacon, even though it would mean 3 of us would have 3 pieces of bacon, and one person would have 2. I put that thought out of my head, as I had decided to take the two pieces. But as we sat at the table, Dad said he had forgotten to get his bacon. I went back to the kitchen to get it for him, and there noticed 2 1/2 pieces of bacon. Looking at mom's plate, was the other 2 1/2 pieces.

This has to be the secret formula for a loving, happy, and wonderful marriage. It's so much more than the bacon, but an attitude of life. If everyone would do this, there would be no conflict in this world, and we would all be a lot happier.

Remembered

Today, a memorial service was given to remember and honor a man who lived in a park nearby for nearly 30 years, and died there. To some, he was thought of as a homeless man. But what we were reminded of today by Bill's brother was that he was not homeless. He chose to live in a home made of trees, grass, with no walls, or rooftop. Bill's father was there, and said, "I was so afraid that no one would remember Bill." But much to his surprise, about 100 people came to give tribute to Bill. And while it was mentioned that he was schizophrenic and bi-polar, although it was mentioned that he drank a lot, to self medicate, greater attributes were given. He was: intelligent, well read, artistic, very caring, deeply spiritual, kind, gentle, and a lover of Star Wars, calling himself Darth Vader. He loved music, would give blessings to those who expressed care for him with the words, "Vaya con Dios!" He gave hugs, and kisses, even while dancing back and forth, on the boulevard.

Bill was part Native American, and so his life was lived in areas throughout the foothills. He tried to live with his family but was not able to maintain living in a home. He taught us all many lessons. He taught us compassion, he taught us that although Bill was mentally ill, he was a son, a brother, a cousin, a friend. He taught us many things through his intellect. He blessed us with his artistic prowess and creativity.

But while Bill's family were afraid no one would remember Bill. Over 100 people came to honor him. Stories were told, tears were shed, the word was proclaimed, but more than anything, Bill was remembered, and Bill will be remembered, for a very long time.


"We Remember Them" By, Rabbi Simcha Kling


"At the rising of the sun and it's going down we remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the still of winter, we remember them.
At the opening of the buds and the rebirth of spring, we remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make, we remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs, we remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us, as we remember them."