Homecoming

This last weekend was homecoming at my alma mater for High School. We had a reunion with a pretty good turn out of folks, that just enjoyed catching up, telling some stories of "remember when?" and reflecting on our growing up years. It was a great evening, and it stirred up lots of memories and reflections of the heart and mind for all of us, I am sure. It was a good evening.

Most of us were blessed to have had stable home lives. We had parents who were educated and provided for us, and enabled us to also get a good education, move on to college and a chosen profession. Most of us have raised our own children or are raising them now, to do the same. So much of the success we have achieved is attributed to the stability that we were given as kids. As we have left this little community and gone elsewhere we each have realized that what we had as we were growing up was unique. As those who have moved on to other communities and come back, we see what has remained the same, and what has changed, especially us.

It was wonderful to see people again, to catch up on many years, to exchange life stories of what we are doing now, and all about our families. It was fun to see what we have in common with folks who we may not have had much in common with as teens. Somehow, the ability to be in the same room with others who shared the same town, school, teachers, experiences, history, etc. helps us to return to those places of the heart, that we may have forgotten or tucked away. It helps us to remember that part of the journey that set the foundation of who we were to become. It is amazing how the years between then and now disappear in some ways, and yet not.

Homecoming is so much more than football , queens and princesses. It is so much more than a particular town and school. It is a journey of the heart, that is so sweet, and one I want to experience again. I have heard more people who returned for the first time in many years talk about the emotions that were stirred within just by coming back to this town, driving by the school, their old house, and suddenly those emotions come rushing back, and 35 years are erased. For most it was a good thing, of reclaiming ourselves and being healed of old hurts. For others it was the realization that our insecurities and fears that we held as adolescents were more common than we knew, and we all survived! At one point, after a few conversations with folks about their experiences here, I had the sense that I must have been in a coma throughout High School, and I realized how much I was so oblivious to. I know now it is because I was so into my own world, experiences, relationships, and world of fears and insecurities, that I projected my fears and inadequacies onto my peers, as their feelings about me. We are complicated creatures in adolescence! So part of the homecoming was coming home to myself. For reclaiming myself and them, as those who went on this comatose journey with me, and to celebrate our new sense of being lifted out and present in new and beautiful ways.

The best part of homecoming for me, was seeing these faces, and how open and accepting we all were with each other. For the conversations that enabled the lessons I have learned in life to be of help to my friends who were in a place of need, as well as nuggets of truth they had achieved that informed me. It was so reciprocal. It was this wonderful and fun time that included mutual love and respect, for who we were, who we have become and who we are becoming. We are still on this journey of homecoming, and there are still surprises along the way. And I find my heart being grateful for the people who have been a part of my life and in many ways have made me who I am.

Honoring

One of the tasks that a hospice family member has is honoring the wishes of their loved one. When that wish is accomplished, it brings great compassion to the family members. If they are unable to accomplish it, sometimes by no fault of their own, it can cause guilt, and complicated grief for that family member.

Recently, in working with one of my hospice families, there were tremendous issues within the family that were longstanding. The patients' daughter had many issues, most of which were not going to be resolved, but there was one that could be. It was her father's desire to be cremated and have his ashes distributed in the ocean off the coast of Redondo Beach, because that was his favorite place to fish. When the patient died, and the daughter looked into the cost of a burial at sea, she discovered it was beyond her ability to afford. But through some personal connections,we were able to arrange a boat, to accomplish the honoring of her dad's ashes. a service was done, the ashes were distributed, and the daughter had the sense that she had honored her father, and set him free. Now she can let go, and move on. She will grieve. She will have other issues that she will need to resolve, but honoring her dad's wishes in his last resting place was something that she needed to do for her own closure.

Honoring is what loved ones can do as an expression of love and respect for the one they love, often in circumstances where many things are outside of their control. It isn't necessarily a big thing, but something small that their loved one has requested. It could be as simple as sitting alongside the person holding their hand as they die. It can be a certain kind of music played, or passing on a message to someone else after they are gone. But no matter how small the request is, it is a major issue for the loved one left behind with that one request. Spiritually speaking, it is a very important issue, and one that makes a difference in how the person is able to move ahead and heal from the hurt of grief.

I rejoiced for this daughter that she was able to accomplish this last request for her dad. I hope that it will at least ease the pain of her grief.